b a r e.

She walks quietly allowing the only sound to be her breathing, in and o u t. To long for a life of simplicity is to simply not desire to obtain excess. To live off the grain. She desires to serve, to pour out her soul to make the Kingdom a reality, but yearns to learn how to be a servant and how to say no.
This isnt an easy road. I'm trying. To pull up my socks, grin and bear it, to serve, to love, to ask nothing in return. Which for the most part happens, but the days I forget to wear socks, its hard to pull them up. I find it hard to have days where I dont want anything to do with the world I inhabit. Afterall, I have "so many things going for me, I follow a great God, and I am young" but its hard. I fail, I fall, and there are times when I DONT want to get back up again. I refuse to actually, until He lifts me gently off the ground , dusts me off, and asks me to keep going.
How can I be a servant, and have bad days?
Perhaps the whole point of serving isnt about not having bad days, or not saying no, but giving entirely from the grain that I live off of. Relying on the strength of something greater, and realising when today I have nothing left to give but smiles and a good ear. Perhaps its about giving what I have, even when all I have are tears and frusterations.

Giving what I have.. Giving what I have... Giving what He gives me.

b.

breathing.

Perhaps its the fear in a young womans heart that keeps her from writing the words that seem all too real and true to her very being and soul.

The hurt words, angry words, alone words, sad words, hurt your soul kinda words, but sometimes those are the only words that seem to make it out of your lips and onto the page.

These are my words.

When placed in a corner, I want to run. Free my soul from the hardships of a broken family, broken heart, and broken emotions. But its not as easy as it may seem, peering in from the other side of the glass.

To love without judgement is by far one of the most difficult things I can try to do, but to love someone enough to leave them, even just for a while may be too much for one girl alone.

I do not plead weakness, I know where to draw my strength, but this really isnt easy, and I just dont know where to turn.

So today I am breathing, using words, learning, growing, and trying being okay with maybe not being okay.

These are my words, sad words, tired words, searching words and real words.

b.

b-rave.

With every door that slams in the face of something beautiful, hurt happens and hope helps. Being brave doesnt mean refusing weakness. It means taking one step at a time, quietly praying, and moving forward even if you need to take two steps back.

I am changing, growing, and learning to be brave. Please bear with me.